The World According to Kidd

~ Jon

February 21, 2008

Hey, Jon here. I'm guessing you know about the bet. You do? Great, that's just one thing less that I'll have to explain. So, here's the thing, I've been trying to come up with stuff for Hath to do. I'm not you're typical demanding 'rock star' that needs someone to do EVERYTHING for them. I guess that's been the main problem with coming up with stuff. Mostly because the things that I do need done either I do for myself, or I have someone who gets paid to do it for me. I do have a personal assistant after all. But, at the show in Wisconsin the proverbial light bulb came on over my head. Yeah, yeah, I'm slow sometimes, but hey I AM a guy!

The little girl...uh, sorry. The young woman that was the promotions assistant for that show, in other words, the gopher, said that she was happy that we weren't the demanding rock stars that she'd gotten used to taking care of. She even gave examples of things she's had to do for musicians in the past. Needless to say, I now have a wealth of ideas for Hath. Not that Suzy (the gopher) has had to do ALL the things I've come up with, but she started me thinking, and for that I owe her big time. Mostly because, my wingman and best friend who would normally help me out in a situation like this is terrified of Hath. Well, not exactly Hath, but her paybacks.

Speaking of paybacks, I still owe her one. This one has nothing to do with the bet. See, she was teasing me unmercifully on the forum about something that....well....to put it mildly....bugs me. I would rather not go into it here, but for the sake of telling the whole truth I guess I should. My precious Sam has a nickname for a certain piece of my anatomy. It's not a very cool nickname either. Hath knows about the name; I don't think she knows the actual name, but she has got a brain in her head so she has realized that I don't like it. And, she was teasing me about it. I decided that I would put a stop to it, or at least embarrass her as much as she had embarrassed me. So, I sent her a singing telegram. I wrote the little diddy, to the tune of "Camp Grenada" or as most people call it....Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah. I used the nickname that she has for David's piece of anatomy in the song, and had the thing 'delivered' at a tailgate party at Gillette Stadium, in front of her brother and his frat brothers. The fact that her Dad was there too was just a bonus.

Don't get too pissed on her behalf. She got even. She sent me several little 'presents' while we were in Australia, and one big one. She sent me a ton of dildos with all their little names taped to them in the guise of helping me pick a new nickname for Sam to use. That wouldn't have been so bad, except the guys were all there for the opening of the 'gift', and well, they've teased me unmercifully ever since. So, now it's payback time again, and I've come up with a good one. The best part of the whole thing, though, is that I'm going to make her participate in the whole thing as part of her indentured servant gig!

I've already started her in the position of indentured servant by asking her to finish planning my wedding. Oh, didn't I mention that I'm getting married again? Yeah, I found this really great woman. She's beautiful inside and out with loads of passion, whether it's in the bedroom, courtroom, or watching football. Sam's the greatest! I've never been one to talk about my feelings in public. I've always kept those cards close to the vest, so you can probably understand why I'm hesitant to talk about her here. But, hell, I love her. After the divorce with Dot, I didn't think I'd ever get married again. The first break-up hurt too damn bad, but I'm just not the type of guy to be alone forever. I need someone at home waiting on me, to welcome me home, someone to keep me grounded. And trust me, Sam does that. And well! She doesn't give a 'flying fuck' (that's her phrase not mine) that I'm Jon Bon Jovi. She loves me for me....John from Jersey. In fact, just yesterday, she told me (cleaning up the phrase a little bit) "I don't give an aeronautical fornication what you do, you still have to pick your damn jeans up off the floor, because I'm not going to do it for ya." And she said it with that wonderful Southern accent of hers. God, I love that accent. She went on to explain that at four months pregnant it was uncomfortable for her to bend over, and that if I gave a "dayum" about her not only would I pick up my jeans off the floor, I'd pick hers up too. Needless to say, I picked up both pairs of jeans. Hey, I'm not stupid!

We just finished the show in Wisconsin and tomorrow we're flying to Chicago. Lucy lives there and we've got a three night gig there. Sam's traveling with me and the guys, but I can't say that she's really enjoying herself. However, she is looking forward to seeing "The Harem" again. Lucy is Richie's new love. He's got it really bad for her. Anyway, she's going to play hostess for all of us while we're in her town. For most of the stay, all but a few of us, will be staying in the hotel. But, Richie is staying at Lucy's and so are some of the other Harem members.

I met the Harem back in November. I thought then they were a great bunch of ladies, but then when Sam had her car accident and they all dropped everything to fly to Arkansas to be there for her, I KNEW they were. Ang is the only one I haven't met yet. She and I had a big blow up on the football forum. When she finally figured out who we all were, she was a little pissed, to say the least. I apologized for keeping her in the dark, and assuming my apology would be accepted, invited her to join us all in Chicago. The woman accused me of trying to bribe her! Do you believe that shit? I guess I don't have to tell you how bad my temper was. Man, I completely lost it. Told her that had I been trying to bribe her I would've offered her money or sex, not concert tickets and backstage passes. Although, had I offered her sex, Sam would've killed me. She didn't seem to be the least bit impressed with my show of temper. In fact, she LAUGHED at me! Do you believe that? Hell, grown men quake in fear of my temper and icy glares, and this woman LAUGHED! But, apologies were exchanged and I'm over that shit now. I hope she is, otherwise this could be a hell of a long week.